Dude, I hear ya about priorities in your Good morning post. Here's something for ya! Funny thing..... I was browsing around the Union Tribune jobs and found that they (BB) are stilll looking for a Software trainer, which is no surprise because they are only offering the low 30,000 for a salary. Anyway, I did some corrections and adjustments to the ad to make it more accurate. Next time you pass Deanna's office drop off the adjustments compliments of me.
Note: Adjustments are in red....
ABOUT THE COMPANY: We are a school software publisher/distributor located in Poway. We develop and provide software and services for student activity accounting.
NOTE: If you are an experienced programmer, a network engineer or have specialized IT training and are more tech-oriented than people-oriented, this is most likely NOT the position for you.<-----Omit previous..... If you have any knowledge of the following, need not apply: A computer; Writing code for a software that actually works when installed; or running a business, or have worked for a company that actually cares about their customers
PURPOSE/OBJECTIVE: We currently have open positions in our Software Training Department. We will provide training for individuals who have excellent customer service skills and computer experience, but refer to above note - your attitude is more important than your past experience. again refer to NOTE This position requires the following:
• Training new clients to successfully use our software
Brainwash customers to use a software that will not only guarantee to crash their computer, but force their ASB Dept. to blow wads of money on annual support calls
• Professionally assisting<--- Omit.... Screwing and answering questions for our clients ,but you will only have 30 seconds per person to answer their question and resolve their problem.
• Working to successfully resolve every question or problem Omit..... Stated in previous statement
• Thinking about how to help our clients accomplish their goals , and convince our customers that they need to spend more on Client Care so we can all sit and laugh about how we can rob schools of Gov't funding
• Helping to develop and improve the best school business software in existence , but it really does not have to work. All it needs to do is look pretty
• Providing comfort and reassurance to our clients from all the money we will rape them in Maintenance and Client Care annual dues. In other words, provide the "reach around" effect
• Ability to work independently as well as in a team environment , but do not ask the programming department for any support help especially when it comes to your computer problems because they are drunk half the day. Besides could not answer a question about the code they wrote because they probably do not remember doing it in the first place.
Our goal is to make our clients successful when using our software and have them feel good about themselves and us in the process. Omit...... redundant from previous statements
Starting salary: Low 30,000 per year depending on experience mainly because we are currently on a new budget (Note: We hired a Bookkeeper 2 years ago at $39,000/yr), we are cheap, and any more money would tap into our alcohol fund that keeps our programming dept. around. Please submit resume and salary requirements to Deanna@bluebearsoft.com or fax to 858-486-5600, attn: Deanna.
Applicants must possess the following:
• Problem solving skills - have the tenacity to stick with an issue until it is resolved. Usually Hand-Me-Downs from your bosses who have better things to do i.e. pumping breast milk at their desk or trying to get the programming dept. getting your bosses MP3's to work on her computer
• Good communication skills - must like to talk and be able to solve problems verbally, Because the management is too drunk to comprehend or grasp to what day it is.
• Team player - ability to work with others in a team environment and can not ask superiors for help because they will give you written warnings for not being at your desk kissing their customers asses
• Must like people and dogs, must be patient, and<-----Omit.. Not applicable possess<---Singular a good sense of humor BECAUSE DAMN! YOUR GONNA NEED IT!